Willing to disobey mom for some action!

You told me, "My mom won't let me marry a non-Jew, but that doesn't have to stop us from having sex tonight."

This is not a great line on a first date.

Popcorn stealer!

On our first date you took me to the movies, paying for the tickets and the popcorn and soda. You said you didn't want popcorn and then proceeded to eat out of my bucket the whole movie, cheap ass!

Promiscuous and diseased!

You casually told me on our first date that you'd slept with 40-50 people...and had HPV.

Gay Paula Deen!

You were a Southern guy majoring in art history and you pronounced "Rococo" as Reee-coooh-cooooh, like a gay Paula Deen.

The word came up more times than I could count on our first date.

You had a buffet gameplan!

You wore elastic-waistband pants to our first date at all-you-can-eat buffet. And you stole some rolls in your bag.

Not clear on what "awesome" means!

You told me you had an awesome story to share. The "awesome story" was that your co-worker was thinking about committing suicide. Suicide is not awesome. Nor is it an acceptable first date topic. Ever.

Whiskey-drinking fish watcher!

You thought staring at your salt-water fish collection while drinking whiskey out of a flask was a good first date

Sock problems!

On our first date you had holes in your socks. So on the second date what... no pants?