Barking in public!

You liked barking like a dog at random people in public.

Too dumb for Larry the Cable Guy!

You wanted me to watch your Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVD with you, and while we watched it I had to explain a Larry the Cable Guy joke to you.

Cockney accent! (?)

You interrupted my story to correct my pronunciation of “red herring,” insisting the H was silent. No, it’s not “red ’erring”. When I looked it up, you said the dictionary was wrong. Shut up, Eliza Doolittle.

Confused about races!

You asked me if the Kentucky Derby was a horse race or a NASCAR event.

Confused about agriculture!

You thought pumpkins grew underground... after we went to a pumpkin patch. When I pointed out, "No, they don't, babe, we were at a pumpkin patch like a month ago." you said, "Oh that's right, I was thinking of watermelons."

It was then and there I knew I didn't want my kids to have your genetic material.

Kant spel!

You wrote me a note to celebrate a test score, and you couldn't even spell CONGRATULATIONS right. It doesn't have a 'D'! Dummy.